In Hong Kong, our busy and often stressed lives makes it seem like couples who are parents stop doing for each other what they used to do prior to having children. As a clinical psychologist practicing in Hong Kong, I see many couples who are not doing what they ought to do to enrich their relationship. The easiest and most readily available item is physical connection. A kiss here and there, rubbing shoulder when doing the dishes, a quick massage, all foster connection and closeness. A sincere kiss and an affectionate hug tells your partner that you’re in love and they are a priority over everything else.
In my role as a couples psychologist, I emphasize to clients that physical affection, which doesn’t necessarily mean sex, is very important to foster closer relationships. Couples need to make time for it and treat it as a priority. Kissing, hugging, touching, cuddling, and holding hands regularly is associated with happier and longer lasting relationships, better moods and lower stress levels, and leads to better conflict resolution. Moreover, children who observe their parents display frequent physical affection are more likely to feel secure and to hold positive views of their parents.
If you read this and say to yourself that this makes sense but I am too busy, it’s not possible, or better yet, “in my family we don’t show physical affection,” then you need to seek relationship counselling. On the other hand, if you say to yourself, “this is good and I want to do it,” why not start tonight?
Dr. Ghazi Kaddouh
:: a US-licensed Clinical Psychologist in Hong Kong, at SIO Psychology & Consulting, who works with individuals, couples, families in a wide range of issues—depression, anxiety, ADHD, relationship counseling...; but also as a coach and consultant for executives and institutions.
